Why Purple Boots?
Settle in. I like to tell stories.
So. Purple. Yeah, it’s always been a signature color for me. One of my earliest memories is of my father allowing me to pick the color he would paint the sandbox in our backyard. He brought home a bunch of Pantone color swatches for me, and to his chagrin, I chose (I still remember the exact name) “Imperial Purple”. Yep, had a deep purple sandbox for years. Purple has always made me feel alive, joyful, powerful, creative, long before I had names for all those experiences.
Flash forward—though college and marriage and divorce and rape and a few abusive relationships and dance training in NYC and writing book reviews and a dance/yoga/pilates career and choreographic awards and the death of both parents when barely 30 and a Master’s degree in Dance and Somatic Movement Education…Okay, maybe more than a few years, but I digress. A life of movement, exploration, curiosity, creativity, artistry, wellness. And yes, some trauma.
Then—after a rollover car accident in 2016, Boom. Cancer Round #1. Shell-shocked, bewildered, terrified, in pain, and suffering the neurological dysfunction of overwhelming trauma combined with mind-altering medications, I find myself in the middle of a chemo treatment, about half-way through a brutal, grueling year of surgeries, chemo, and eventually radiation, and multiple personal struggles. Not the least of which is the struggle to balance my holistic tendencies with a Stage 3 Invasive breast cancer diagnosis involving 12 lymph nodes.
I am in the chemo lounge (that makes it sound much more glamorous than it actually is, believe me) “on the drip” as we say—hooked up to the IV as the pre-meds and chemo are infused into the port catheter implanted in my upper chest. My best friend Linda*** is next to me keeping me company. I was still in the place where scars bothered me, and so we were brainstorming ideas of what I could get tattooed over my port scar once it came out. I had wanted a tattoo for years, but was never able to find something that I was sure I would want on my for the REST OF MY LIFE. Fear of commitment, am I right? But when you have cancer, the perception of the rest of your life changes drastically. I am digressing again.
Linda, demonstrating her usual admirable ability to cut through my indecisiveness, asks me, “Well, what are the things that have meant the most to you in your life so far?” My answers—teaching in Ecuador, visiting family in Ireland, living in NYC, my MA degree, years and years of investing in high schoolers, receiving theatre and choreography awards, my ability to support and facilitate creative processes in others. She looks at me and says, “What about your purple boots? Haven’t they been with you for all of that?”
I should clarify that I was wearing my favorite Steve Madden combat boots that day. My go-to choice for feeling positive and strong while also comfortable and tough. And purple. Suddenly it clicked. While those boots were only about 4 years old at the time and had not been with me for ALL my meaningful experiences, they really do embody the spirit of what I value, live, and express. Boots—powerful, strong, earthy, made for movement and forward direction. Boots on the ground, boots made for walking, boot able to kick ass when necessary. I have climbed mountains, conducted dance rehearsals, wandered cities from NYC to New Orleans to LA in them. I served two stints then became a cancer veteran in them. I have and continue to navigate changes and challenges and joys in them.
And did I mention purple?
I wore those boots throughout chemo. And radiation. And the recovery year. And then through Cancer Round #2 and mastectomies and reconstructions. Starting my own business was delayed by all this, but that day in chemo was when Purple Boots Creative was really born. I never got the tattoo because now I wear those scars as badges of honor. They bring me joy and confidence. Like the boots.
And why creative? Well, I have always been a mover. But movement is so much more than dance or working out. Movement in any form–physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, political, energetic–by definition involves change. From one point/place/identity/habit/idea to another. And change needs an openness, an uncertainty, an allowing of space into which new forms can emerge. So all movement is change, and all change is creating something. We are all creators, we are all artists, we are all movers.
The purple boots symbolize a mix of determination and joy, of expression and direction, of toughness and of bright hope. A synthesis of grounded strength and joyful creativity open to change and movement. Of experiencing personal power and growth. And of using my own experience to share with others. Okay, by now they are faded and scratched and the color is a bit off because of cobbler using the wrong shade polish on them, but still. I’m a bit scratched up now too and that’s okay. Not just okay, but beautiful.
***Note—I have Linda to thank for the name. But I still maintain we met when we were 14, not 13 as she will insist. And now that it’s online, I must be right because everything online must be true, right?!